On the role of women in the church and at home

So here's a little bit of my background. I think it's important to know someone's background to gain a better understanding of where that person is coming from when they offer any thoughts on a particular subject. I was raised in the Catholic faith until I became Baptist when I was around 7 years old. When my family moved to Canada, we attended the Free Methodist, Pentecostal, and Alliance church. Eventually, we settled into a Pentecostal church. I lived in North Africa for 2 years where I was a part of an Anglican church. From time to time, I have visited Reformed Presbyterian churches and other non-denominationals. So, I've been around the block. That being said, I've seen both parts of the coin. There are those who are so adamantly against women in leadership and there are those who have put women in leadership! 


I find that a lot of people who are  in the anti-women being leaders in God's church often use the fact that most of the leaders in the Bible were men. As such, they see it as a stamp of God's exclusive use of men in leadership positions. However, this appeal to silence is simply fallacious. Just because God doesn't say something about a certain issue doesn't mean that God approves/rejects it. If that was the case, then the Bible will be completely irrelevant to us today because there are certain 21st century issues that are not found in the Bible. Does that mean then that we should simply throw away the Bible because it was a book written for an ancient people? In the words of KJV: God forbid! Plus, the Bible has examples of women being put in leadership positions where they had authority over men. Not just some wimpy men... but army generals kind of men. So CLEARLY, God has no qualms putting women in positions of authority over men. 


When it comes to the home though, the Bible is CRYSTAL CLEAR how the man is the head over the wife and the wife needs to submit to her husband. There's even a verse for it.


"Wives,submit to your own husbands,as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior." - Eph. 5:22-23


Now, let's look at the following verses after that. 


"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." - Eph. 5: 25-28


The leadership that the Bible is proclaiming in these verses is the very type of leadership that Jesus modeled for His disciples. It's servant leadership. It calls for leaders who are willing to debase themselves for the other. It is Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the Alpha and the Omega, the very Son of God Himself, who in an act of utter humility washes His disciple's feet. What woman would not want to submit herself to a man who would put her needs above his? In fact, what man would not want to submit himself to a man who would do that as well? Everyone would want to submit to someone who they knew had their interests above theirs. 


However, in my observation of the North American Evangelical church, they use this verse to do the exact opposite. They use this verse to lord their authority over the woman. Honey, the Bible says you have to submit to me. Meanwhile, I will use my authority to make you do what I want you to do because I'm the man and I'm the leader. The gospel message is supposed to liberate us from the chains of sin, from bondage, from slavery, from the very things that the world uses to oppress us. Let's make sure then that that this gospel message we preach is not perverted to shackle the women whom Christ, in His goodness, frees from the very same tyranny that "Christian men" want to inflict upon them. 




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On Community

This weekend was pretty much amazing! I went to the Promise Keepers event here in Ottawa and got a chance to hear some spectacular speakers and even got a chance to hang out with long-lost friends. One of the things that this event sparked within me is the question of community. It has been something that I have constantly thought about and wrestled with and I wanted to take this time to hash it out. I'm hoping that you, dear reader, can help me as I try to figure things out. 


Last year, I read an article by a Jewish author on New York Times. She wasn't a devout Jew who was living in Manhattan. She was writing about the Sabbath. In her piece, she mentioned something that resonated within me. She talked about how hard it was to keep the Sabbath in New York because everyone around her was not keeping it. It must be easier, she said, to keep the Sabbath if you had other people keeping it with you. A group. A community. I remember reading that and thinking "you are absolutely right! I wish I had a group of people who made living as a Christian easier. I wish I had a group of people who would support me and I can lean on in times of trouble." And then I had that sinking feeling that said "oh wait... I think that's supposed to be the church." In that moment, one word came to mind. It was a word that I often saw on the Internet but captured the very essence of my emotions. FAIL!


Whether it's the local church or big C church or however I wanted to spin it, I don't think I've ever felt loved by the church. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't say that individuals within the church have never loved me because they have. I have Christian friends who have thankfully helped me all along my journey. I even went to a Christian seminary and I would dare to even say that I have felt the support of certain classmates and faculty members. But this communal love that the Bible best exemplifies in Acts 2:42-47 has always been a dream of mine that seems to be unrealized. Christians, according to Jesus, should be known by their love for each other. I almost always felt unappreciated, unloved, and unwanted. 


I belong to a group on Twitter and I must say that I have felt more love within this virtual community than the love that I have felt in the church. I have seen these people time and time again rally together to help a wounded member. A couple of months ago, one of the member's father died and word quickly spread on how to help out as we sent flowers to his father's funeral. Or someone who currently lost a job and needed some financial help for the time being was aided by numerous PayPal donations. I know that various people have opinions on the "real"-ness of virtual communities. However, through this virtual community, I felt appreciated, engaged, loved and respected.


And thus, the battle that I am in. During the Promise Keepers event, one of the things they emphasized was the need for community. For men to help out other men. I am all for that. I've been blessed to have had the chance along the years to journey for some short, some longer periods of time in their Christian walk. I know how amazing it is to know that someone is by your side. My problem right now is that I am so disappointed, so disheartened by the lack of community that I have been feeling for awhile now and I find it so much easier to quit. I know that quitting is not the answer, but bitterness shouldn't be the next option too.


Have you ever felt this way? And if you have, what did you do to remedy the situation?


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Fear of the future

There's something about the future that is both fearful and exciting. It's the uncertainty of it all. I think the weird thing about uncertainty is that, depending on how you see it, it can lead to either paralyzing fear about the unknown or stir something deep down inside of intense anticipation about what life has in store. I find that like most things in life, the way we choose how to interpret or see things is more important than the actual situation itself. Like the old adage says, we may not be able to control what happens to us but we can sure take control on how we react to what happens to us. 


As a well-known cell phone provider blasts through the airwaves, "the future is friendly." Or is it? I mean, what do we really know about the future that is so friendly. If we don't know a single thing about it, how can we come to the assumption that it is friendly. It may be friendly, in general, but will it be friendly to me? Unfortunately, no human being can answer that question for me with a 100% accuracy. All I know is that this life can be cruel, mean, unkind, and harsh. What's so friendly with that?


And yet, even with all of these "negative" things, it is precisely because life can so easily be snuffed out that life becomes so precious. The fragility of life adds to its special-ness. Without sickness, can we truly be thankful for our good health? Without despair, can we truly experience the ultimate bliss of joy?


Right now, I'm in a transition. Quite honestly, I hate transitions. I hate living in the limbo land between knowing and not knowing. However, this is also the best place. Creativity, innovation, and true knowing happens in liminal places. Crazy things happen in that in-between spaces. My struggle right now is living comfortably in an uncomfortable space. 


Caught between the known and the unknown, I am left looking to God for guidance. Perhaps, this is exactly where I need to be and need to stay. 


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