I first came across the term "secede in te ipsum" while I was reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. In the preface, it was talking about the need for us to retreat within ourselves to find the answers. In the process of doing so, we ultimately carry out the famous advice of the Oracle of Delphi, "Know Thyself."
I decided about three weeks ago to take a month off from social media. It was brought about by a set of circumstances. Three weeks ago, in front of our building, someone opened their car door and accidentally bumped a cyclist onto oncoming traffic. She was instantly killed. I didn't see this happen but I saw its aftermath. I heard a blood curdling scream from the street below. At first, I thought that it was some frosh students or protesters. What I ended up seeing was far worse than I could ever imagine. The lifeless legs of someone whose body was not in plain sight, obstructed by the vehicle that pinned her down. I saw the paramedics rushing to her aid, aggressively trying to resuscitate her back to life to no avail. Hours later, I found out that she was dead on arrival. A young woman in her early 30s whose life was no more. Two days after this, a family friend finally ended his prolonged battle with cancer. He was 42 and leaves behind a wife and 2 young kids. These events forced me to ask the existential questions that death brings about. "What matters to me?", "what am I living for?", "what do I want my life to mean?" Suddenly, these questions are no longer some esoteric, philosophical questions that I ask myself. Suddenly, they are real, brought to life by tragic events.
During this time, I also had a talk with a friend. She challenged me about how I act and how I thought. It was difficult to answer her questions. I was forced to grapple with the questions that have been lying dormant but I chose not to answer because I didn't want to face them. "Who am I?", "Is the projected me the real me?", "Are there things about me that I think are my personality and is a part of me which are actually just baggage I need to get rid of?" These were very tough questions I needed to deal with and I wanted to take the time to think about them and contemplate. Thus, I took a month off of social media. No Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and even BBM. It's hard to find out who you truly are when everyone else is telling you who they think you are. I needed to drown out the noise so I can hear my own.
I must say that it has been a great time of getting to know myself. I don't think I've gotten it all figured out yet but I'm definitely happy that I've made some progress. And yet, through it all, there is a recurring theme of God's pursuing love. God has made it clear to me that He wants me, that He wants to be with me, and that He wants to have a relationship with me. I would not be where I am today if not for Him.
Oh God, may You continue to light my way and guide my path.
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