One week later...

Just wanted to update yall about my progress in terms of my 2012 goals.

Yesterday, I went to the gym for the first time in 2012. It was brutal. There was definitely some muscle atrophy going on. I couldn't do things that I was capable of doing months ago. But, that's understandable. My goal is to go every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to the gym. For Tuesday and Thursday, I would like to do more cardio during those times. However, today was a definite fail because I didn't do it. I will go to the gym tomorrow to make myself feel better. 

I've also been trying to get into the habit of bringing a lunch everyday to work and having a treat every Friday. Previously, I bought lunch on a regular basis which is a complete waste of money. I'm trying to curtail my spending habits and I think this is one area where I can definitely save a lot of money by implementing my bring a lunch to work policy. 

The whole waking up at 6 am has not been going well. I would wake up but I end up going back to sleep or stay laying down and not doing anything (which is pointless!) The goal was to wake up so I can read my Bible and pray not to lie down and do nothing for an hour. I'm hoping to get that kick started again. 

All in all, I'm really excited about trying to achieve my goals for 2012. I'm experiencing some rough patches but I am very confident that I will be able to accomplish them with tenacity and perseverance. I am updating this blog a week after I said I would =) 

How about you? How are your New Year's resolutions or goals going so far?

and scene...

New beginnings

I love the New Year. There's something refreshing about the whole thing. It gives you time to think about the past year with all of its triumphs and failures and put an end to it while also giving focus to the future, full of unknowns, slightly terrifying, but still joyful in anticipation. 


It's a great time to take stock of what has happened and make the necessary tweaks to be better and improve on what we have done. I guess it's the whole notion of progress that makes "New Year" so appealing and something to be happy about. It reminds us that we can change if we want to, and that change is something good, albeit frightening, but ultimately good. 


This year, I want to be more focussed. I want to set very specific goals so that I have something to work towards. I find that after graduating from my Masters, I've allowed myself to slide back into academic mush. I want to create a reading list that I would like to go through per month. I also want to make sure that I write articles to keep my writing skills up (both from an academic and recreational standpoint). I want to pump out at least 12 papers (either academic or recreational) this year. Either I write 12 papers, or I write a book (yes, I've been thinking of writing one for a very long time). 


I also want to establish routines so that I can accomplish more things. I want to start waking up at 6 a.m. every day and get my spiritual disciplines up and running. I also want to establish my gym dates because I want to work out at least 3x a week. I don't want to say they're my New Year's resolution. They're more my goals for the upcoming year. That way, it sounds more definite and I can't be wishy-washy about it. 


I also want to blog more consistently in the upcoming year. I will commit to posting once a week (more if time affords it...) And if there are topics that you want me to talk about, let me know and I might decide to tackle it =)


All in all, I just want to say thank you for reading my blog, being a friend to me, and for all your words and deeds that encourage me. So write a comment and let me know your thoughts.




and scene...

Secede in te ipsum....

I first came across the term "secede in te ipsum" while I was reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. In the preface, it was talking about the need for us to retreat within ourselves to find the answers. In the process of doing so, we ultimately carry out the famous advice of the Oracle of Delphi, "Know Thyself." 


I decided about three weeks ago to take a month off from social media. It was brought about by a set of circumstances. Three weeks ago, in front of our building, someone opened their car door and accidentally bumped a cyclist onto oncoming traffic. She was instantly killed. I didn't see this happen but I saw its aftermath. I heard a blood curdling scream from the street below. At first, I thought that it was some frosh students or protesters. What I ended up seeing was far worse than I could ever imagine. The lifeless legs of someone whose body was not in plain sight, obstructed by the vehicle that pinned her down. I saw the paramedics rushing to her aid, aggressively trying to resuscitate her back to life to no avail. Hours later, I found out that she was dead on arrival. A young woman in her early 30s whose life was no more. Two days after this, a family friend finally ended his prolonged battle with cancer. He was 42 and leaves behind a wife and 2 young kids. These events forced me to ask the existential questions that death brings about. "What matters to me?", "what am I living for?", "what do I want my life to mean?" Suddenly, these questions are no longer some esoteric, philosophical questions that I ask myself. Suddenly, they are real, brought to life by tragic events. 


During this time, I also had a talk with a friend. She challenged me about how I act and how I thought. It was difficult to answer her questions. I was forced to grapple with the questions that have been lying dormant but I chose not to answer because I didn't want to face them. "Who am I?", "Is the projected me the real me?", "Are there things about me that I think are my personality and is a part of me which are actually just baggage I need to get rid of?" These were very tough questions I needed to deal with and I wanted to take the time to think about them and contemplate. Thus, I took a month off of social media. No Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and even BBM. It's hard to find out who you truly are when everyone else is telling you who they think you are. I needed to drown out the noise so I can hear my own. 


I must say that it has been a great time of getting to know myself. I don't think I've gotten it all figured out yet but I'm definitely happy that I've made some progress. And yet, through it all, there is a recurring theme of God's pursuing love. God has made it clear to me that He wants me, that He wants to be with me, and that He wants to have a relationship with me. I would not be where I am today if not for Him. 


Oh God, may You continue to light my way and guide my path. 


and scene...

Sunset

**This post is part of Indie Ink’s Weekly Writing Challenge. Joelyn was my Challenger this week. Her topic to me was "Describe a beautiful sunset.” I in turn challenged Bewildered Bug **
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It was beautiful.

The muscles aching, straining to tap into some hidden energy reserves to climb up once more. Fatigued limbs grasping for what little oxygen it can possibly get. The mind feverishly working to come up with more lies to enable the body to keep on going.

It was beautiful.

Finally reaching the summit of the mountain. Looking out and seeing vast swaths of lands filled with fauna and flora. The deer leaping, the rabbit hopping, the frog jumping, the insects scuttling from one end to another.

It was beautiful.

The sky losing its bluish hue. In its stead, pinks and violets and orange mingled, interweaving with one another. The brightness and cheerfulness of the day easing itself so quietly and surreptitiously into the somber and mysterious mood of the night.

It was beautiful.

The garish sun that gave off intense heat throughout the day turns into the refreshing coolness of the night. It is as if it finally felt awful enough to stop its cruelty, if only for a brief moment in time. And in that moment, plants, animals and humans, find their rest.

It was beautiful how these thoughts circled in his brain. Wondering what it could mean, wondering what it would look like. He could only get snippets, bits and pieces, fragments from people's explanations. With their eyes, he could see the sunset in all its majestic glory.

It was beautiful. In his mind's eye.

Reaching the top

It started out as a random line thrown in a conversation. My friend told me that he liked climbing a mountain an hour away from his house. "Maybe we should do that one time... climb a mountain," I said. Burst of laughter from me ensues. I'm not a really outdoorsy type of person. I'm a city boy. I like my concrete jungle. But, something within me has been changing these past few years. More and more, I yearn to escape the city-ness that I live in. I long to see trees, walk in fields of grass, hear the stillness in the air. And so, I decided to do something that I've never done before. I was going to climb this mountain. 


It was a beautiful hike. Sweat dripping from my face, I kept on going. We took a small break and proceeded to take out our cameras and have a little photoshoot. Even did some planking and owling :P After awhile, we were back on the road to the top of this mountain. It was hard work but when you have a goal in mind, it makes the hard work easier. Well, maybe not easier, but at least it gives you a reason to move. Climbing up the rocky face was challenging, to say the least. The fear of falling never really left me until finally, there were no more rocks to climb, no more steps to make, because I finally reached the summit. As I looked out from the top, it took my breath away. The view was startlingly refreshing and breathtaking. 


Later on at night, we saw the light show of the heavens. The clouds, the stars, and the moon provided us with a heavenly display devoid of the light pollution that can often dull these glimmering bodies in the sky. Sitting there, my eyes transfixed, my heart bursting, my mouth silent, for once, at the wonder before me. God's wonderful creation viewed by another creation. Humbling and awe-inspiring to say the least. 


As I climbed down, I knew that it would not be my last. I look forward to going back up that mountain and being transported to yet another world. 

Yay!!! =) 

Poetry that inspired my latest writing challenge

I woke up to "The silence was deafening" and thought of this poem that I wrote awhile ago. This provided the impetus to write the story I just wrote.


Song of Sid IV


Mind spinning, whirling, twisting
Remembering what should remain forgotten
Seizing what should remain hidden
Contemplating what should remain latent


Soul descending, spiralling, groaning
Falling under a burden of care
Stumbling over sins I bear
Tripping over and under everything, I swear


The walls are closing in
I can barely breathe
My world is caving in
I can barely scream


I cry out in the open
I cry in despair
The tears flood my senses
But I can't tell if You're there


Silence.
Screaming silence.
Painful silence.
Silent silence.


Eloi, Eloi lama sabachthani


Tetelestai.

The silence was deafening

*This post was inspired by Sherree Worrell's writing challenge. The topic is "The silence was deafening.” I decided to take up the challenge as well.*

The sun rose in the east. Day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, decades after decades, millennium after millennium, it did what it naturally did. And yet, somehow, this time, it was different. The sun rose not only to announce that it was a new day; it rose to announce the end of a life. This morning, he was going to die.

He knew he had it coming. Well, everyone on this earth knows that but somehow still manage to think that it would never come. No, not him. He knew he was going to die. He even knew how. He was one of those people that knew his mortality. Accepting the fact that he was going to perish, it gave his life meaning and purpose. I guess that's how it works. We only know how to live well if we know how to die well.

I guess it wasn't a surprise. He was always telling the so-called good people the things they didn't want to hear. He was always telling the bad people that love is not some far-fetched dream. Standing up against the status quo can get you killed fast. It was only a matter of time before they were going to make a move against him.

In the middle of the night, they found him. Arrested him. Brought him to a kangaroo court where he was accused of crimes he didn't commit. Beat him. Tortured him. Amnesty International wasn't there to intervene against such cruel and inhumane practices foisted against his body. There will be no petitions for his release. The paparazzi couldn't make tabloid fodder over his fate. No one was there to console him. He was all alone. Even his so-called friends scampered away when they saw the law coming hard against him. When trouble came, they all fled.

And so, they subjected him to one of the most gruesome and humiliating walk of shame known to man. Stripped naked, they paraded him. They did it to make an example out of him. “Don't be like him,” mothers whispered to their kids. His mother crying a flood of tears as she sees the mangled flesh of her son. It was too much for her to bear.

Suddenly, the skies darkened. The very ground they stood on began to tremble. Pathetic fallacy perhaps? Maybe he was innocent after all? Perhaps. Only time will tell. And in the midst of all the rumblings in the sky, he cried out in a strange and foreign tongue. Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani. My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?

In what must seem like weeks, months, years, decades, and a millennium to a dying man, the answer finally came.

Silence.