New poem

It has been awhile since I have written a poem. Last night, somehow I was inspired to write. Here it is for your viewing pleasure. 

Portrait of a human

Riding the waves of this ocean called life 

I am lured by the Sirens' beckoning call

Slowly but surely, I find myself moved

Ever closer to their rocky shores.

Come and see, such pleasures for thee

Come and live out your wildest dreams

Come, for I can fulfill your every fantasy

Come, take hold of me, for I am truly Yours.

Logic escapes me, when faced with such a temptress

Reason flees, my mind lay bare naked

No matter how hard I tell my feet to escape

Step by step, they bring me closer to my fate.

If I then shall give myself wholly

What names shall I say, of those who bested me?

They looked at each other, faces confused

"Poor mortal," they said, "have you really no clue?"

We are called by many names, but nothing changes

Time and time again, our wares render you helpless

Though warnings and alarms about us may abound

No human is immune, even the pious are defenseless.

We three, the unholy trinity of yore

Will ever devour you to your very soul

Mortal tongues cannot begin to describe us three

Money, sex and power - your names for we.

Suddenly, mine eyes began to see

It was as if a veil was lifted, their true forms they revealed

The lustrous hair, the luscious lips, the virgin smiles were but a mask

What was hidden underneath, too ghastly to describe by the tongue.

I cowered in a corner, what destructive monstrosity!

There are no words to describe the fear, my heart rapidly beating

For there it was, I could not deny

Their faces unmasked - their faces were me. 

To dream the impossible dream

There's a Filipino saying that when roughly translated says "it's ok to dream. After all, it's cheap." Philippines is full of poverty and life is hard. So many people dream of a better life. They dream of nicer clothes, of getting an education that they can't afford, to live in a house instead of a hut. They dream of things that, for all intents and purposes, will never be. Dream, they say, because dreams are nothing but wistful wishes that mean nothing. 


Yet, I find the opposite to be true. Dreaming is expensive. Well, I guess it's only expensive when you want to turn that dream into a reality. The emotion that goes into it is too much, sometimes. Working hard and not letting failures get you down is really hard. Sometimes, it is easier to not dream. It's easier to languish in despair, to wallow in the misery of broken dreams and crushed emotions. 


But to live a life without dreams is even more depressing. Hope, as illusory as it can be at times, is needed. Dreams remind us that we can turn the invisible to visible. Dreams remind us that the visible and the tangible are actually fake and untrue. It is the faint whisper from within that says "there is more if you want more." 


And then reality, my dear arch-enemy, comes along and tells me to flee dream's madness. It shouts of the delusions that I am under. Reality breaks in and confronts me with the harsh realization that my dreams are nothing but delusions. 


However, my dreams continue to enchant me. It asks me the ultimate question that I have to ask myself which is which: is it the fact that my dreams can be my reality, or that which I think is my current reality but a dream?

On Christianity and Humility

I know. Usually those two go hand in hand like water and oil. But weirdly enough, the Bible (them Holy Scriptures that Christians espouse to adhering) says that you can't have one without the other. To be a Christian is to be humble. While many a sermon has been preached on this topic, I wonder if the ones who are preaching it should also preach it to themselves just as much as to their congregation.

Case in point: this whole Jared Wilson brouhaha over this post. He says some pretty outrageous things like this quote he pulled from Douglas Wilson's book Fidelity: What it means to be a one-woman man.

"When we quarrel with the way the world is, we find that the world has ways of getting back at us. In other words, however we try, the sexual act cannot be made into an egalitarian pleasuring party. A man penetrates, conquers, colonizes, plants. A woman receives, surrenders, accepts. This is of course offensive to all egalitarians, and so our culture has rebelled against the concept of authority and submission in marriage. This means that we have sought to suppress the concepts of authority and submission as they relate to the marriage bed." (emphasis mine)

Here's the thing. I'm all about freedom of speech and you can write whatever you want. However, as Christians, we are not supposed to use that freedom to abuse others or be downright offensive. Other Christian bloggers like Rachel Held Evans, Scot McKnight, Matthew Paul Turner, Michael F. Bird, and others wrote various responses to what was generally perceived as a downright horrible and heretical theology that was being espoused about what "biblical marriage" entails.

Just in case you were wondering where I stand on all of this, I would like to quote Matthew Paul Turner when he said

"I find Douglas Wilson’s thoughts about “biblical marriage” to be vile, manipulative, and downright dangerous ... Any time words like power and control and authority and conquers and made-up terms like “true submission” are used in describing the relationship between a husband and wife, you’re not describing God’s ideal. You’re pretty much describing a gateway scenario to emotional, physical, spiritual, sexual, and/or mental abuse inside the confines of a marriage."


So here's the thing, Jared Wilson reacts and writes a follow-up post. I totally understand how sometimes what we intend to say and what others interpret we are saying can be misunderstood. A lot of the negative reaction to the post was the perceived notion that it was basically about the glorification of rape through biblical means. So in his post, he tells them that it was not his intention to do that but he does so with much condescension and arrogance. And it wasn't much of an apology when he criticizes his critics and tells them they are basically idiots who don't understand him. (Ok, he may not have said it exactly like that, but the tone is definitely very scathing and arrogant).

And to think that this post, and the subsequent response, was in The Gospel Coalition blog! Am I the only one who starts singing Alanis Morissette's lyrics "Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?" in my head? There's nothing wrong with saying "Wow. I didn't know that what I wrote was a hot mess that got everyone riled up. Sorry about that. Totally not what I meant." Where is the humility that drips from every jot and tittle? Of course, it is easy to say that he is only human and if you were in that same position, would you act any differently? And to that I say, yes, I probably would react in the same way*. We're humans. However, I have Christian friends who remind me of the gospel and that I should act otherwise and a mother who constantly reminds me to love the unloveable. And even if I did act in that way, at the very least I would admit that it was wrong for me to do it and I was being rebellious and not act like I'm all high and mighty and act like I'm the victim.

The macarisms in the Sermon in the Mount begin with this: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." James reminds us that we need to "humble (y)ourselves in the sight of the Lord." (4:10). Before the charges against Jared Wilson turn into a question of complementarianism vs. egalitarianism, or a challenge of what is "proper" and "improper" exegesis and hermeneutics, this is ultimately a question of pride vs. humility.

"Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. " - Jesus, Matt. 7:20



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*I would react like that privately, but definitely NOT publicly. I think some people need to learn what the word "professional" means. But that's another blog post.

Why God?

I don't think I have ever met a Christian man or woman who has not at one point asked this very question: Why, God, why? Things happen beyond our control and we are left with no answers, only questions. We want these questions to be answered, right away, nay, RIGHT NOW, and yet the answers never come. So we are left to ponder, to wonder, how to react and how to go on.

About a week ago, I went on Facebook and saw a friend's status update with an attached link to his blog. It was his "coming out" story. At first, I wondered what it was about. A lot of the times, people can use a double entendre for effect. However, as I read his post, it was clear that it meant only one thing. He had been struggling with feelings of attraction towards men and at this crucial juncture in his life, finally admitted to himself and to others the fact that he was gay. I must admit that my first reaction was sorrow. Sorrow because I could not imagine living with a secret like that alone. To feel trapped and isolated is one of the biggest traps that Satan has in store for a lot of Christians. I felt sorrow that it seems like he was afraid of what others might think/treat him after such a revelation. The Church is supposed to show encouragement and grace to everyone, believers and non-believers, and yet, too often, it has often been associated with bigotry and condemnation instead of love and compassion. I felt sorrow because it made me feel that the Church has once again failed to be the hands and feet of the Lord she serves.

For my undergrad thesis, I looked at the question of homosexuality and Christianity. I read so many articles concerning the topic. During that research, I realized how complex and multifaceted this issue truly is. It's so much easier to have a cliche answer, to throw some random Bible verse to the situation rather than theologically struggling with how we, as Christians, should respond to a brother or sister who comes out. Sometimes in the process of trying to find out what the answer is, we forget that this is not just some theological exercise to be won but that there is a soul on the other side of the equation. We can't forget that a human being is the recipient of our answer, not a theoretical argument thrown in the air. The love and compassion that God calls for us to exhibit and to proclaim must still be heeded. There is a time for everything. There is a time for debate and discussions. But maybe that is not the time right now. Right now is the time to pray and to seek wisdom from above. This is the time to love a human being who has been made in the image of God. While we may ask the why right now, we must continue to show the world why the gospel of Christ Jesus is a gospel full of love and grace. Because at the end of the day, the why must always give way to the who.

Hammer Time

I can't believe it has been a year since I graduated. The thought came to me in full force last week as I went back to Hamilton to see my friends graduate. I'm so proud of them. I know how hard they worked and I know that this is the beginning of greater things in their lives. Graduation is so different from the spectator side. When I was graduating, I had to worry about not tripping as I walked up, how do I hand this hood thing, hope that I don't fall flat on my face, things like that. When you're watching, it's just so much more relaxed. I was on the balcony with Tara and we had an ongoing commentary during the service. That's definitely something I couldn't do if I was graduating. One by one, they went up the stage. These were people that I went to class with, studied with, commiserated with, and were the recipients of many Facebook status updates of me whining and complaining and how I'm checked in at the library... AGAIN. These were the people I shared life with. These were the people I doubted with, debated with, tried to figure out Greek verbs and conjugations with. I honestly was just so proud of each and everyone of them. Proud of their hard work. Proud of their achievement. Proud that somehow, some way, my life intersected with theirs, and I was better for it. I also got a chance to hang out with old friends. I stayed with my old roomies and so thankful for their hospitality. It was nice to be back. Who knew that Hamilton would feel like home to me? I'm thankful that I had the privilege of knowing all these amazing people and got to have my own little community. I also had the opportunity to talk with my professor. I asked him to be my Ph.D. thesis supervisor and he said yes! I'm sooooo happy about that! I need to meet a few more requirements (1 Greek course and a 40 page research paper) before I can apply but I will be applying for the Ph.D. program next year. Hopefully, I get in! I'm looking forward to seeing this dream come into fruition! My time back in the Hammer just reminded me yet again of one thing... how blessed I am to have had the opportunity to study and meet such great and awesome people in my life. and scene...

On the role of women in the church and at home

So here's a little bit of my background. I think it's important to know someone's background to gain a better understanding of where that person is coming from when they offer any thoughts on a particular subject. I was raised in the Catholic faith until I became Baptist when I was around 7 years old. When my family moved to Canada, we attended the Free Methodist, Pentecostal, and Alliance church. Eventually, we settled into a Pentecostal church. I lived in North Africa for 2 years where I was a part of an Anglican church. From time to time, I have visited Reformed Presbyterian churches and other non-denominationals. So, I've been around the block. That being said, I've seen both parts of the coin. There are those who are so adamantly against women in leadership and there are those who have put women in leadership! 


I find that a lot of people who are  in the anti-women being leaders in God's church often use the fact that most of the leaders in the Bible were men. As such, they see it as a stamp of God's exclusive use of men in leadership positions. However, this appeal to silence is simply fallacious. Just because God doesn't say something about a certain issue doesn't mean that God approves/rejects it. If that was the case, then the Bible will be completely irrelevant to us today because there are certain 21st century issues that are not found in the Bible. Does that mean then that we should simply throw away the Bible because it was a book written for an ancient people? In the words of KJV: God forbid! Plus, the Bible has examples of women being put in leadership positions where they had authority over men. Not just some wimpy men... but army generals kind of men. So CLEARLY, God has no qualms putting women in positions of authority over men. 


When it comes to the home though, the Bible is CRYSTAL CLEAR how the man is the head over the wife and the wife needs to submit to her husband. There's even a verse for it.


"Wives,submit to your own husbands,as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior." - Eph. 5:22-23


Now, let's look at the following verses after that. 


"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." - Eph. 5: 25-28


The leadership that the Bible is proclaiming in these verses is the very type of leadership that Jesus modeled for His disciples. It's servant leadership. It calls for leaders who are willing to debase themselves for the other. It is Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the Alpha and the Omega, the very Son of God Himself, who in an act of utter humility washes His disciple's feet. What woman would not want to submit herself to a man who would put her needs above his? In fact, what man would not want to submit himself to a man who would do that as well? Everyone would want to submit to someone who they knew had their interests above theirs. 


However, in my observation of the North American Evangelical church, they use this verse to do the exact opposite. They use this verse to lord their authority over the woman. Honey, the Bible says you have to submit to me. Meanwhile, I will use my authority to make you do what I want you to do because I'm the man and I'm the leader. The gospel message is supposed to liberate us from the chains of sin, from bondage, from slavery, from the very things that the world uses to oppress us. Let's make sure then that that this gospel message we preach is not perverted to shackle the women whom Christ, in His goodness, frees from the very same tyranny that "Christian men" want to inflict upon them. 




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On Community

This weekend was pretty much amazing! I went to the Promise Keepers event here in Ottawa and got a chance to hear some spectacular speakers and even got a chance to hang out with long-lost friends. One of the things that this event sparked within me is the question of community. It has been something that I have constantly thought about and wrestled with and I wanted to take this time to hash it out. I'm hoping that you, dear reader, can help me as I try to figure things out. 


Last year, I read an article by a Jewish author on New York Times. She wasn't a devout Jew who was living in Manhattan. She was writing about the Sabbath. In her piece, she mentioned something that resonated within me. She talked about how hard it was to keep the Sabbath in New York because everyone around her was not keeping it. It must be easier, she said, to keep the Sabbath if you had other people keeping it with you. A group. A community. I remember reading that and thinking "you are absolutely right! I wish I had a group of people who made living as a Christian easier. I wish I had a group of people who would support me and I can lean on in times of trouble." And then I had that sinking feeling that said "oh wait... I think that's supposed to be the church." In that moment, one word came to mind. It was a word that I often saw on the Internet but captured the very essence of my emotions. FAIL!


Whether it's the local church or big C church or however I wanted to spin it, I don't think I've ever felt loved by the church. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't say that individuals within the church have never loved me because they have. I have Christian friends who have thankfully helped me all along my journey. I even went to a Christian seminary and I would dare to even say that I have felt the support of certain classmates and faculty members. But this communal love that the Bible best exemplifies in Acts 2:42-47 has always been a dream of mine that seems to be unrealized. Christians, according to Jesus, should be known by their love for each other. I almost always felt unappreciated, unloved, and unwanted. 


I belong to a group on Twitter and I must say that I have felt more love within this virtual community than the love that I have felt in the church. I have seen these people time and time again rally together to help a wounded member. A couple of months ago, one of the member's father died and word quickly spread on how to help out as we sent flowers to his father's funeral. Or someone who currently lost a job and needed some financial help for the time being was aided by numerous PayPal donations. I know that various people have opinions on the "real"-ness of virtual communities. However, through this virtual community, I felt appreciated, engaged, loved and respected.


And thus, the battle that I am in. During the Promise Keepers event, one of the things they emphasized was the need for community. For men to help out other men. I am all for that. I've been blessed to have had the chance along the years to journey for some short, some longer periods of time in their Christian walk. I know how amazing it is to know that someone is by your side. My problem right now is that I am so disappointed, so disheartened by the lack of community that I have been feeling for awhile now and I find it so much easier to quit. I know that quitting is not the answer, but bitterness shouldn't be the next option too.


Have you ever felt this way? And if you have, what did you do to remedy the situation?


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